With Idol almost over for another year, there's a lot that will be missed from Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. We'll miss Simon's scathing criticisms and keen sense of humor. We'll miss laughing at piss-poor performances by contestants who make us feel better about our own humble, pathetic existences. And of course we'll miss keeping tabs on the train wreck that is Paula Abdul. But there is so much about Idol that WON'T be missed. Here are three things right off the bat:

1.)    Randy's nonsensical blathering when he doesn't like a contestant's performance. It's clear enough when he LIKES a performer: "Molten hot lava" is clearly meant to be a compliment. But when a contestant gives what appears to be a fairly decent performance - and the other judges seem to like it - then "It just didn't do it for me, dude" isn't enough. Why, Randy, why?! Give us a noun, an adjective - anything. And no, "dawg" doesn't count.
2.)    Simon and Ryan's constant quarreling. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. C'mon, producers. Ryan's day is over. Simon is the better man. Let's get a hot chick up there to give Simon attitude and get some REAL chemistry going.
3.)    Blubbering contestants. We know, we know. It's your dream. Your big day. The single greatest thing that has ever happened to a human being in the history of the world. We get it. But the crying gets old for the rest of the world. And often the hearing aid commercial we just saw was more moving than your performance. So suck it up and wait until you're off stage to let the bawling begin.

Next week let's hope that we send David Archuleta back to high school where he can grow a mustache and kiss a girl before going onto a career in gospel music, and David Cook on to stardom where he belongs.