It's not the first time such fervor has gripped the country. John F. Kennedy, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton were swept into the White House on waves of change. After them, voters swung the compass needle right again, electing Presidents Nixon, Reagan and Bush.

It appears that the changes we all so desperately want are more easily promised than they are delivered. As a nation, we symbolize our deep desire for change by demonstrating, contributing money and voting. But finding universal peace and security is more complex than chanting slogans and crossing your fingers at the ballot box.

In most cases, families, societies and nations are organized hierarchically; that is, there are those in charge and those who follow. That arrangement has always left a vacuum between the promise and practice of equality. Such hierarchical structures are most often accompanied by a black-and-white approach to reality. Things are right or wrong.

Judgment from those in authority gets us either punishment or reward. Some call this a paternalistic view of the world: the stern father deciding what's best for the family. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, calls these "domination" societies. He says we've been saddled with this model -- and the predictable revolutionary reactions -- for at least 10,000 years.

Jalaludin Rumi, a 13th Century teacher, believed that the core teachings of all great religions are largely the same. If everyone acted from that place, there would be no need for marauding.

Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication methods rely on retraining our brains to hear, and to talk, from a place that Rumi certainly understood. Humans have universal needs: food, shelter, procreation, acceptance, understanding, security, harmony and really, not much else. All our grief, anger and conflict, says Rosenberg, is a "tragic expression of our unmet needs."

The goal of Nonviolent Communication is first to recognize in ourselves how our language can alienate, and how our judgments keep us apart from others. Is the beef with the spouse more about needing recognition? Is the war with Iraq about democracy? Or is it a tragic expression of the Administration's need for security for its citizens? But so far, that alone hasn't changed our hearts, or changed the way we listen, or speak, so that our needs can be mutually understood and not be seen as wrong.

Tim Buckley is a freelance writer and Nonviolent Communication coach. He can be reached at tbucktoo@comcast.net