First sentences matter. If they didn’t, writers wouldn’t spend five minutes working on their first sentences for every one minute they spend writing the rest of their articles. The first sentence of this column took me 7.5 hours to write, while the rest of it just flowed out of me – unleashed, unmitigated and uncensored.

A lot of really stinky first sentences have been written about Salem in the travel books that cover Oregon.

This fact may not resonate with people who have lived their entire lives here, but for people like me, who like to learn about their adopted hometown before moving there, it can start your trip off with a nasty first step. Don’t even get me started on how many travelers these first sentences must keep from taking that turn off I-5.

Here’s just a few first impressions of Salem, courtesy of the travel guides that cover Oregon:

From the Rough Guide to Oregon and Washington:

“Despite being the second most populous city in Oregon, Salem, located 50 miles south of Portland, has always proven an elusive attraction.”

In other words, we couldn’t find anything interesting here. (Oh, and get a fact-checker on that second-most populous thing).

From Oregon, by Judy Jewell:

“Most people who visit Salem, the capital city, go there on official business; for the more casual traveler, there’s not much here but two nice parks and the capital building.”

If you were even thinking about going to Salem, it’s probably off your list now.

From Lonely Planet Oregon, the purveyors of travel taste for young, independent travelers:

“Hardly the most exciting state capital in the country, Salem is a peaceful and homely university city that exudes a slightly conservative air.”

By the way, homies, in case you don’t know it already, “homely” means unattractive.

Or my all-time favorite, from the Insight Guide to the Pacific Northwest:

“Salem, circa 1840, is one of Oregon’s oldest cities and the state capital.”

That, and some quick descriptions of historical sites, was all the insight Salem warranted from the writers of the Insight Guide.

Now, to be fair, travel guides take years to plan and write. Updates happen infrequently, and I imagine Salem is not first on the list of must-update Oregon travel book sections.

Writing travel guides – or any kind of travel writing – is not easy. It involves a clever diplomatic dance of balancing the traveler’s actual experiences and expectations with residents’ very own pride-of-place. Most travel guide writers see conjuring this sense of place as the pinnacle of their job – equal at least to the work of doling out useful must-see sites.

Figuring out what a place is all about can take years, more still if you’re not a natural explorer.

But man, have travel writers done a whack-job on Salem.

My guess is that clichés and platitudes about Salem recycle themselves – they are so widespread by now that they have ballooned, pejoratively, well beyond proportion to the actual truth. I also wonder how many travel guide writers come to town without first reading the independent, outdated voices of other travel guide writers.

I think Salem should stop letting other people tell the city’s story in one line kiss-offs. You can’t control how other people experience your home, but you can control how you treat them when they are here.

Your first step should be to write your own first sentence about Salem – the first thing that comes out of your mouth when people ask you about your hometown. You don’t have to exaggerate and act like this place is Shangri-La, or even all that exciting as compared to other burgs.

Here’s mine:

“Salem gets a bad rap, but we find it’s a funny, quirky little city with lots of strange corners to explore.”

Before long you’ll be like us – entertaining visitors nearly every weekend who can’t helped but be lured to Salem (on a bad note, you might find yourself permanently staycationing for the summer).

If you’re the person out there exuding all that slightly conservative air when travelers come to town, knock it off. You’re stinking the place up for the rest of us.