Are books about sex tiresome? According to Amber Madison, author of “Hooking Up”, they can be. Madison is coming to Willamette University to talk to students about the art of “Hooking Up”. It’s not about how to find a date, or how to master it once you get one. It’s about confidence, trust and things that make the “hook up” fantastic.
Madison graduated from Tufts University in 2005, studying human sexuality. The book was the result of a sex column she wrote in college. “It is amazing how many sex books are out there that are just boring,” Madison says. “I wanted to write something that told girls what they needed to know about sex from a more interesting, entertaining and funny standpoint.”
Jillian Toda, Willamette Events Board (WEB) Awareness, Discussion, and Dialogue Chair, is responsible for bringing speakers and events to campus, raising consciousness about various topics that affect our communities. “Since I don’t feel like we as students get a lot of sex education, I thought this event would be a great way for WU to delve into the topic. Amber is highly acclaimed and recommended and I expect the event to go well.”
Madison admits that she finds sex fascinating. “Really, I am fascinated by relationships. It’s about shining a light on different aspects of relationships. It’s not that gonorrhea is so awesome.”
She believes that good sex starts with a good relationship. “It’s not just your partner; it’s with yourself, your body and your inner desires. You have to be aware of what it is you actually want.”
Maybe more important than a cute g-string or the perfect fantasy is genuine interest in your partner. “You have to have a partner who respects your physical desires and vice versa. What good is a one-night stand if it is with someone who doesn’t care about your sexual pleasure?” asks Madison.
“I feel like people get the wrong impression. The term ‘hooking up’ has connotations. My book isn’t about casual relationships. It’s about having respect for your body, for your relationship, and for your own needs,” says Madison. “The focus isn’t about how to be irresponsible and having one-night stands.”
What feels like a good “hook-up” is up to you. “I can’t tell people what their desires are. Everyone needs to find out what works for them. But sex is not going to be good unless it’s in a respectful relationship with someone you trust,” says Madison.
“That means trust that they are going to look after your well-being, and they care about you and are being decent to you,” she adds.
For parents of a teen, the talk might be worth coming to, but remember: the talk is going to be geared for 18- to 22-year-olds. “It’s going to address the concerns that young people have,” Madison says. The trickiest part of sex at this time is sexually transmitted disease. “HPV is so prevalent right now; some estimates say that 80 percent of the populations has been exposed to it.” According to Madison, most gynecologists say, assume your potential partner has it, to be on the safe side.
So if good sex is about trust … how do you know? “The tricky thing with trust is you never really know. There is no guarantee that you are not going to get burned, that is with anything in life. The best thing you can do is judge from past experiences or past behavior. Is your partner always caring, in tune with your needs? Then I would say that is a good person. A good hook-up is about respect in a sexual context. At some point you have to blindly trust people,” Madison says.
Madison says beware if the guy or girl is rarely there for you, or doesn’t take the time to talk with you. “That is someone who is not trustworthy and if they don’t value friendships or sex they should not be your boyfriend or girlfriend.”
HOOK UP
Speaker Amber Madison is the author of “Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-out Guide to Sex & Sexuality.” She has appeared on many television and radio programs, including Cosmopolitan and Newsweek. In 2008, Amber won a sexual health communication award from Choice USA.
Wednesday, Feb 16th 2011
7 – 9 p.m.
Willamette University, Montag Den
900 State Street
Free
