Explosions? Check. Rom-com with Julia Roberts? You bet. Tween squeals? Yep. A comedy featuring mostly dudes? Uh-huh. There’s a much better selection to choose from this week and a surprising lack of spandex.
June 29
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Shia LaBeouf and director Michael Bay have teamed up once again to further drive a beloved franchise into the ground. They make an awesome trailer, but that’s where all of the fun ends. In this third outing, The Autobots figure out that there’s a spacecraft hidden on the moon, but as these things happen the Decepticons find out too and the race to space is on. The movie has two things going for it. One is that, at least according to an interview with Michael Bay, the pair of racial stereotype robots won’t be making any appearances. The other is the severe lack of Megan Fox. Sure, she may be attractive if you’re into that sort of thing, but her acting skills leave a lot to be desired. She’s been replaced with a blonde Victoria’s Secret model, so it’s clear that Bay is serious about his actors.
July 1
Larry Crowne
Larry Crowne (Tom Hanks) is a relatively successful middle-aged retailer who is abruptly fired from his job for not having a college degree. Cue this week’s “bad teacher” Julia Roberts, whose character works as a community college teacher. The two giggle and look into each other’s souls for an hour and a half.
Monte Carlo
Here’s one for the tweens. Selena Gomez (yay!) stars in this flick about three women vacationing in Paris who find themselves mistaken for a British heiress and ending up in Monte Carlo. It’s sort of like Parent Trap, but there’s probably a few more squeals and jumping up and down in this one.
July 8
The Zookeeper
Aren’t we all happy that the really horrible TV show King of Queens was canceled so that Kevin James can now make really horrible movies? In this movie, he plays a zookeeper who tries to win over the hot chick by upgrading his job to car salesman. The animals aren’t so happy with the decision and try to help him win the girl over so that he can stay their zookeeper. Yes, the animals talk. Yes, the special effects around their mouths are poorly done. Yes, Kevin James runs into things akin to throwaway America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Horrible Bosses
This flick hasn’t gotten as much buzz as it seems like it would based on the cast alone. Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, and Jennifer Aniston play the horrible bosses of Jason Bateman, Charlie Day and Jason Sudeikis. The trio of underlings decide that they need to murder their bosses and hilarity ensues.
The Ward
What happens when a crazy thing happens in a psychiatric hospital? The patients are ignored and therein lies the premise of this movie. Amber Heard plays Kristen, a woman that, after setting a house on fire, is put into the hospital, where she is terrorized by a ghost. Funnily, in the trailer Jared Harris (Mad Men’s Lane Pryce) is creepier than the ghost that reveals itself.
