Mutilated bounty hunters, well-built toys running around trying to save one another and sparkly vampires take over theaters through the next two weeks. June has been exceedingly lackluster, with Shrek 4 beating out all of the new movies. If Toy Story 3 can’t take away the top spot, we’ll have to rely on Bella and Edward.
June 18
Jonah Hex
In this comic book adaptation with the cheesy slugline of “Revenge gets ugly,” Josh Brolin stars as a scarred-up Old West bounty hunter who makes a deal with the United States military in order to stay out of prison. The deal? Simply do what Hex does best: kill people. Oh, and bump uglies with Megan Fox, who plays a prostitute.
Toy Story 3
Let’s first make one thing clear: Woody and Buzz are not involved with Megan Fox in any way. Pretty easy to say this is the one to see with the kiddos, right? In this one, Andy is headed off to college (what, already?) and dumps off his toys at a daycare center. Adventures ensue. Who doesn’t love the toys with hearts of gold and the grown rugrats who abandon them?
Please Give
Female writer/directors may be few and far between, but Nicole Holofcener is one to watch out for. Her comedy stars Oliver Platt and Catherine Keener. The film centers around the couple’s struggles to deal with an elderly tenant who won’t die fast enough for their remodel, a teenage daughter who wants $200 pants, and guilt from where the furniture they sell is obtained.
June 25
Grown Ups
Chris Rock, David Spade, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, and Kevin James star as old friends who bring their families together to recreate the good ol’ days. Absurdity is the main topic. But one has to wonder how Schneider will work in a “You can do eet!” while playing a lead role. In the trailer, they already have James rope-swinging off a cliff, not letting go, and then hitting a tree. There’s your comedy gold, people.
Knight and Day
In the last “Reel Buzz,” I made mention of this Tom Cruise-Cameron Diaz comedy with the same basic premise as “Killers,” starring Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl. What’s that? You didn’t see that movie? Well, you’re in good company, because neither did anyone else. Tom’n'Cammie are going to take a swing at getting your popcorn money anyway: Cruise plays a secret agent who meets up with an innocent Diaz, whom he has to protect.
June 30
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
How many people who care about the Twilight series do not already have June 30th tattooed on their body somewhere? The best part of a new Twilight movie is reading interviews with its stars explaining how adult female fans of Twilight (or Twi-Moms for us in the know) are gross cougars. This time sparkly vampires are still crying and probably won’t play baseball, despite that being the best/worst scene in a movie since “Troll 2.”
